As a bisexual woman, I sometimes get annoyed at the commercialization of girl on girl action. Don’t get me wrong. I love girl on girl action. I’ particularly fond of it if I’m one of the girls and the other girl is a leggy redhead… but I digress. The commercialization of girl on girl action bugs me, because I am a great believer in equality of the sexes, and no one is giving me an equal amount of female-targeted boy on boy porn. Sure I could go to gay sites, but I find it terribly unfair that straight men get girl-girl erotica targeted directly to them and straight, or not, women don’t get any reciprocation.

What’s that all about? Why is alright to ask two women to fool around for a man’s pleasure, but scandalous for me to ask two men to make out for mine? It’s not like the women involved are that much more likely to be seriously interested in each other. Yes, female bisexuality is somewhat more common than male bisexuality, but not to the extent it’s portrayed. Most of the women I know who have made out, or done more, with other women to turn on a man did it for the man, not because they had a secret desire to start batting for the other team. I’m, personally, always happy to have an excuse to fool around with an otherwise unaccessible hot straight girl, but I think it’s more than time for men to provide women with a little reciprocity.

I’ve got to tell you, men, that if you want to bag a hot bi-babe, then being willing to make out with one of her, or your, hot guy friends is going to give you a leg up on the seduction. Most of the queer women I know, and a good fraction of the sexually adventurous straight ones, really enjoy seeing two guys getting a little hot and heavy with each other… just like most men enjoy watching two women.

Willing? Great! Then you can probably get your girlfriend to return the favor with that sultry blonde bombshell you’ve been eying in the corner. If not, then all I ask is that you remember how you’re feeling right now the next time you think about telling your girlfriend how hot it would be if she made out with her sexy best friend. After all, in this modern world, equal rights is the rule of the day… and turn about is usually fair play.

In many communities around the United States, and across the globe, the intrepid sexual explorer can find places to play in public. There are many wonderful things about public play, which has as many variations as the number of people who participate in it.

Why do people choose to play in public? There are too many reasons to count. They may like to learn. They may like to show off. They may like having the opportunity to practice on equipment that they don’t have access to at home. They may like being able to swing a cat in a place where there’s more than enough room to… swing a cat. Public play can be exciting for so many reasons, from having the opportunity to feed off the energy of a crowd to getting a chance to meet and explore new things with new partners.

When first exploring the BDSM scene, public play can actually be much safer than private play. There are a ways people around if something goes wrong, and if, god forbid, someone ignores a safeword there are usually monitors around who can stop the scene from the outside.

Depending on where you live, you may also find that the public scene may place limits on you that you don’t necessarily have in private. For example, many public dungeons and play parties forbid sexual contact or play that involves blood or other bodily fluid. Spaces may also require that the genitals and/or breasts remain covered at all times.

Although some people chafe at these restrictions, others find that they give them a sense of security. Especially for people who have trouble negotiating, or enforcing, their limits, public play can be a great, safe way to start exploring their darkest dreams.

I’d like to take a break from the “how to” side of my BDSM 101 series of colums to focus, for a moment, on “how not to.” Specifically, I would like to teach you how to avoid the most surefire way of forcing people not only to fail to take you seriously but to actively mock you behind your back. My instruction is simple, straightforward, easy to follow, and to the point:

Do not refer to yourself as “dominate” or as a “dominate (wo)man.”

For some inexplicable reason lost in the ether of the net, a horrible grammatical atrocity has become common in the online, as well as the physical, kinky universe. What is this crime of which I speak? It is the use of the verb dominate as an adjective or a noun. Read the rest of this entry »

In honor of this, if you will excuse the expression, bewitching article on penis snatching sorcerers, I’d like to take a moment to deal with the far too common fear of penis theft. Now, I understand that, to most men, their penis is an important part of their sexual identity, but I a very important announcement to make. Penis theft is extremely rare. Lorena Bobbitt aside, most men are more likely to be repeatedly struck in the head by lightening than to be forcibly separated from their penis before they die. Even most diseases of the penis don’t actually lead to a need for its removal. Barring a vivisectionist wife, the penis you have at the end of puberty is pretty much going to be the penis you have when you die. So, men of the world, fear not! You’re in more danger from overuse of Viagra than Read the rest of this entry »

I have a pet peeve.

My pet peeve is women who say “no” to intimacy hoping that their partners will talk them into it so that they can feel better about their sexual decision-making. “Oh no! I shouldn’t.” and then a few minutes later “well, I guess if you really want to…” is a great recipe for training men not to respect a word that you say.

When I was 16 I had a friend tell me, “I never say ‘no’ to a guy unless I mean it. If he doesn’t listen, I’ll put him in the hospital.” I was still completely sexually innocent and had no idea that what she was telling me was unusual. After all, why would any woman say “no” to sex if she wanted it? Read the rest of this entry »

I would like to make a call for equal rights. Not the usual sort of equal rights. Not equal rights to work, or equal rights to respect, or even equal rights to run for president without being referred to as “the woman candidate.” No, today I would like to call for equal rights to objectification. Specifically, if it’s going to continue to be socially acceptable for men to eroticize hot girl-on-girl action, I want it to be equally socially acceptable for women to eroticize hot man-on-man action.

We’re going to do it anyway, but unlike with men our desire to see same-sex Read the rest of this entry »

The other day I got into an argument with someone, because I said “I think that the syndicated version of Sex in the City is kind of boring without the sex,” and the woman I was talking to said “Oh, you’re arguing the man’s side.”

Since when is having an interest in sex solely the province of men? I know that much of society would like to believe that its daughters are good little girls who only put up with the indignities of sexual intercourse to please their husbands and produce the next generation, but why? Personally, I’d rather think that if my daughter was having sex that she was doing it because she liked it, and wanted to be having sex, rather than to think she was simply giving in out of some misplaced notion of social obligation.

I have a news alert for you, world, a lot of women are Read the rest of this entry »

I’m going to start this blog by saying that I really don’t care who you vote for as long as you get out in vote. I’m going to be lying when I say it, but this blog is a forum for my views about sex, not my views about politics, so lets pretend that I am honest and sincere in my assertion. Now that we’ve established that, I’d like to talk about the one reason why you shouldn’t vote for Hillary.

You shouldn’t vote for Hillary because she’s a woman. I have been listening to the news a lot lately, and one of the things that makes me want to stab myself in the ear Read the rest of this entry »

Some of the sexiest women I know have never worn a size two, or even a size 12. Conventional wisdom dates that, at least in the United States, to be beautiful you also need to be bony, but in this area (as well as many others) conventional wisdom could benefit from a boot shoved up its ass.

Although I would never deny that there are many slender beauties out there in the big wide world, god only knows that I lust after Angelina as much as any other red-blooded American girl, there are also a lot of big, beautiful women, and I am not the only one to think so. Read the rest of this entry »

I bet you had no idea that sometimes the sexy length of thigh you’re ogling, in the movie you paid 11 dollars for, may not belong to the movie star you think it does. Even some of the sexiest stars lack sufficient comfort with their naked body to show it off on the big screen. That’s where body doubles come in. Body doubles are actors, or actresses, who are built along the same lines as the movie stars but who are willing to do things the stars aren’t (or, sometimes, who are just cheaper – for example, Read the rest of this entry »

I have a dirty little secret.

I love roller derby.

I first discovered roller derby through reality television – the show “Rollergirls” focused on one of the derby leagues in Austin, TX and, despite my inherent loathing of reality television, was too much fun to resist. Rollergirls was an amazing combination of sexy, silly, and sportsmanship. Plus, for the first time, I actually began to understand how the sport of roller derby works.

I was amazed. This was a sporting event that I could actually enjoy watching. For that matter, it was a sporting event that I could, at least, theoretically, imagine myself participating. I loved the combination of speed, violence, and theater. It had a strong appeal. Plus, and I would be lying if I didn’t say that this was a major factor in my new Read the rest of this entry »

Lindsay Lohan’s recent nude photo shoot has been getting a lot of press. A lot of it, not surprisingly, is very positive. The New York Magazine photos recreate a series of 1962 photos taken of Marilyn Monroe, where the young star was styled to match the earlier generation’s blonde bombshell, and the pictures are gorgeous. They’re classic, classy, and good imitations of the originals.

Some media outlets, however, are horrified by what they see as an invasion of nudity into the mainstream press. FOXNews, for example, Read the rest of this entry »