I’d like to take a break from the “how to” side of my BDSM 101 series of colums to focus, for a moment, on “how not to.” Specifically, I would like to teach you how to avoid the most surefire way of forcing people not only to fail to take you seriously but to actively mock you behind your back. My instruction is simple, straightforward, easy to follow, and to the point:

Do not refer to yourself as “dominate” or as a “dominate (wo)man.”

For some inexplicable reason lost in the ether of the net, a horrible grammatical atrocity has become common in the online, as well as the physical, kinky universe. What is this crime of which I speak? It is the use of the verb dominate as an adjective or a noun. Read the rest of this entry »

This weeks edition of the Nudes Roundup is dedicated to the weird. Why? Because although there is a lot of inspiring, exciting, or just plain old titillating nude news, some of my favorite nude articles are about the whacky things people do when they’ve taken their clothes off. Somehow, nudity lends a bizarre sense of the delightful to even the most mundane of crimes. For instance:

Mummy, Why are you naked?
A British museum recently decided to take some unwrapped mummies out of the display area after people complained about their naked state. One one hand, I can understand why Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Darestars Diva,

My girlfriend got me a cock ring for my birthday. She says it would be fun for us to play with. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do with it, but I’m too embarassed to admit that to her so I just thanked her and hid it in the bottom of the sock drawer. What is a cock ring for, and what do I do with it?

Sincerely,
Ring Around the ‘Rousal

Dear Ring Around,

One ring to rule them all and in the darkness bind them… or do the two of you like to have sex with the lights on? A cock ring is a device used to restrict the blood flow out of the penis. It can, among other things, allow a man to retain his erection for a longer period of time or delay orgasm. Which is not to say that your girlfriend is trying to tell you something. A lot of men really enjoy cock rings as a part of sexual play. An ex of mine has a big thing about them, and so I decided to ask him if he could explain the appeal. He said Read the rest of this entry »

Some people really enjoy using hot wax as a component of their BDSM play. It can be silly or it can be sensual. It can be painful or it can be pleasurable. What it always is, however, is messy.

If you’re going to play with hot wax and you like your floors, or your bed sheets, or your couch, then before you play put down a drop cloth, a plastic tarp, or a sheet that you are planning to sacrifice to the gods of sex. Even people with the best aim in the world will sometimes miss their bottom and spill wax on whatever their bottom is lying on and if the wax is colored it can stain. If it doesn’t… you can try to get it out with some paper towels, an iron, and a little perseverance, but it’s much easier to avoid the mess in the first place. Read the rest of this entry »

Horsing Around
In honor of the upcoming film about Lady Godiva, almost fifty women stripped bare and mounted up for a ride through London’s Hyde Park. For each woman who participated, the film’s director donated five pounds to a local cancer charity. For those of you who somehow missed the tale in your high school and college history classes, Lady Godiva is famed for her nude ride through Coventry, England, during which legend says she was protesting unfair taxation of the peasants by her husband. All things considered, if you have to do a recreation of a famous historical event involving naked women and horses, this was the one to choose. I don’t think anyone would Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Darestars Diva,

I don’t understand why people like S & M. I have seen some really intense kicking and painful stuff on websites. Why would a guy want to be kicked in the groin repeatedly and how can he endure and get horny from it?

Sincerely,
If That is a Man, I’m a Mouse

Dear Mickey,

Different people like different sensations and find different things sexually arousing. Some people get a very strong endorphin rush from pain and other extremely intense sensations. There can also be a feeling of pride or satisfaction in being able to take the pain, but most people who enjoy being beaten experience some form of sensory alchemy that changes pain into pleasure. If you’ve ever enjoyed it when your partner scratched you, or bit you, during sex Read the rest of this entry »

For a lot of people, BDSM brings to mind a mental image of a scantily clad woman holding a bullwhip. Although bullwhips can certainly be part of a scene they are decidedly not BDSM for beginners. Bullwhips, when wielded by an amateur, can do as much damage to the person holding them as to the person on the receiving end. If you’re reading these columns for advice, they are not something you should even be thinking using. Even shorter, less potentially dangerous whips require a lot of practice before they can be used safely. Do yourself a favor and start with what I would consider the elementary tools of destruction : floggers and paddles.

Floggers are whips with multiple tails and, usually, a handle to hold them with. They come in Read the rest of this entry »

Maternal Pride
Sometimes it is difficult for a parent to be proud of their child’s accomplishments. Then again, sometimes it is very easy. You’d think that having your daughter strip down in front of millions of fans on the big screen would be one of the first time, but you’d be wrong… at least you would be if you were Kim Cattral’s mom. Mom Shane is thrilled that her gorgeous, sexy, 50 year old daughter (can you believe that age? The woman is a fox!) is taking it off for the camera and setting an example for over-50 women everywhere. She was also thrilled when her daughter wrote a sex manual with her ex-husband, because Kim was helping people in need. It must be hard sometimes being the star of a show where what you are famous for is your Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Diva,

I really like sex. I like it a lot. More importantly, I like a lot of sex with a lot of different guys. The problem is that I don’t want a commitment, and the guys I sleep with keep calling me. How do I get them to understand? I’m just looking for a little…

Free Love

Dear Free,

You’d think that you’d be every man’s wet dream, wouldn’t you? According to the movies, it’s the guys who are always out there looking for commitment free sex, but you’re not the only horny girl who has found that not to be the case. Sometimes all a woman wants is a night of passionate sex Read the rest of this entry »

For a lot of people, their first entry into the world of BDSM is tying their partner up… or getting tied down. I’m not going to try to instruct you in the intricacies of bondage, there are people far better equipped for that than I am (For example, check out Twisted Monk for not only beautiful rope and gear, but incredibly detailed and informative instructional videos. Two Knotty Boys also have a number of great instructional videos on the web.) What I am going to do, however, is provide you with some extremely basic rules of bondage safety. Read the rest of this entry »

Naked Beauty
There’s a new book out on the market called “this is who I am” in which 54 women of all shapes and sizes bare all - both their souls and their bodies - for the camera. The book celebrates the fact that all women are beautiful, whether they’re old or young, white or brown, thick or thin, scarred or flawless. Given that Darestars.com is all Read the rest of this entry »